I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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