My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
