What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
