help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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