I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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