I take back everything I said about communal showers
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I think people are normalizing furries
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
