so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
