I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
