I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
