Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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