what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
