So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
tell me about the eggs
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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