So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My vagina is officially offended.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
