the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
