I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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