He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
