it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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