He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
