i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
