I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
