So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
