worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
