Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
my poor anus
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
