Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Rumble strips road head = magical
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
