I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize