Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
