I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
