The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
