i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
