but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
