Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
