trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
