Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize