every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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