Old men and throwing up are my life now.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
