whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
