this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
