if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
