How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
