a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize