Where did you get a picture of my penis
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
