Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
