i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just had sex on a roof
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
