2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
