dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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