If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
