Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
