I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
sick fucks of a feather flock together
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
