man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
