I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
