Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
