whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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