They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
