Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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