its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
