Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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