True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
