Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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