oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
