You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
