Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize