Duck Duck Cougar?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
